April 17 – Early Wounds and the Creation of the False Self
The splits of early childhood, necessary at the time for survival, can only be healed by grace. Kathleen Singh
Gregg’s Reflection
Kathleen Singh writes about the “splits” that occur in early childhood, when the developing psyche begins to divide life into safe and unsafe, acceptable and unacceptable. The first dualism is the separation between self and other, which creates a deep sense of isolation. Other dualisms follow: time and mortality, mind and body, persona and shadow. We adapt to these separations by developing strategies to avoid pain and win love—but these strategies eventually harden into the False Self.
I can see some of these splits in my own life. Growing up, I learned to excel in certain roles, to push away the parts of myself that didn’t seem to fit the image others wanted to see. Over time, I became fluent in the language of performance and achievement—skills that served me well in business but often left my soul thirsty. Like many, I had unknowingly traded authenticity for acceptance.
The path toward wholeness means healing these splits in reverse order, starting with the one between our persona and our shadow. That work is humbling, because it means befriending parts of ourselves we’d rather keep hidden. Yet, in God’s grace, it becomes a journey toward integration—where all parts of our being are gathered into His love, and the False Self begins to fall away.
Scripture
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18
Ancient Quotes
What is necessary, then, is not to seek after what is outside, but to turn within, for the truth dwells in the inner man.
St. Augustine, Confessions
The knowledge of oneself is a necessary condition for the knowledge of God.
Clement of Alexandria, Stromata, Book II, ch. 1
Modern Quotes
The splits of early childhood, necessary at the time for survival, can only be healed by grace—and always in the reverse order in which they were created.
Kathleen Singh, The Grace in Dying
The shadow is the part of ourselves we refuse to see. Yet it is in facing it that we begin to live in the truth.
Carl Jung, Aion
Journaling Prompts
- Which of Singh’s four dualisms feels most familiar to your own story?
- How did early wounds shape the way you presented yourself to the world?
- What “unacceptable” parts of yourself might God be inviting you to embrace?
- How could healing your shadow open you to deeper intimacy with God?
👉 Go deeper into this week’s theme:
Read the full Week 16 Reflection: False Self/True Self