May 1 – When “Should” Replaces Love
For anything to be a virtue, it must be a free choice, not just a mandate. Richard Rohr
Gregg’s Reflection
There’s a world of difference between doing something out of love and doing it because you feel you “should.” In my years of living in obligation, “should” was my constant companion—it told me how a leader should respond, how a Christian should serve. The trouble was, those “shoulds” were rarely grounded in God’s grace; they came from a mixture of cultural expectation, personal insecurity, and the drive to prove my worth.
The gospel invites us to move from compulsion to choice. Love always gives us the freedom to say yes or no—and only a “yes” that is free is truly love. When “should” is replaced with “choose,” we find ourselves acting not to earn favor but to live from the favor we already have in Christ.
Living without the tyranny of “should” isn’t easy—it means facing the fears that keep us tied to it. But over time, freedom in Christ reshapes our instincts. We begin to serve not because we have to, but because we want to, and that changes everything.
Scripture
You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
Romans 6:18 (Set free to be obligated again?)
Ancient Quotes
He who is enslaved to ‘must’ will never taste the joy of the free heart.
Pseudo-Macarius, Spiritual Homilies, Homily 19
Do not perform virtue as a debt, but as a gift.
John Chrysostom, Homily on Matthew, 72
Modern Quotes
For anything to be a virtue, it must be a free choice, not just a mandate.
Richard Rohr, CAC Morning Devotion, 9/22/21
Love cannot be forced, manipulated, or controlled. It always emerges out of freedom.
Thomas Keating, Open Mind, Open Heart, p. 32
Journaling Prompts
- What are some “shoulds” that guide your choices today?
- Which of them come from love, and which from fear or expectation?
- How could you rewrite one of your “shoulds” into a “choose to” this week?
👉 Go deeper into this week’s theme:
Read the full Week 18 Reflections: Freedom vs Obligation